The keep of maleness

Last year in the Guardian, I read an opinion piece by self-avowed cisgender Matthew Cantor on growing up. Some phrasing in the article struck me almost forcibly (Cantor, 2021):

A "high school [...] teacher [explained that] girls and women [...] have long been second-class citizens, [so] a boy who acts in a traditionally 'feminine' way is taking a step down on society’s ladder". This is seen as a challenge to "the patriarchy – a culture built on male supremacy that prizes masculinity above all else".

It is strange, but I had not deliberately considered before the fury of some men towards those men who willingly step back from male privilege until I read Matthew's story (Cantor, 2021). I had idly noted it, but not really taken in the defensive structures that men have imposed upon themselves. The reasons for the violence directed by 'normal' men at men who are 'different' becomes clearer: the 'different' are letting the side down. The shaky edifice - the keep - of male superiority is left more vulnerable to attack whenever anyone rejects the status quo.

We women understand that they are not 'king of the castle': while we are not happy with it, we do not feel that pressure which men exert over their own gender as a group. I am not making excuses for men. I am explaining the reasons for why we women are more free to chose to be ourselves. As Matthew explained:

"While its toll on women was devastatingly obvious, men suffer collateral damage in the system they so cleverly crafted for themselves" by not being able to BE themselves. They are cast and confined as actors in their own masculinity. "Masculinity adds up to little more than the pursuit of not being a woman" (Cantor, 2021, citing Robert Webb, 2018).

Ouch. And what a pointless effort that is. Fighting the tide of change.

As a society, we need to help to transition men off these self-created ramparts.

Sam

References:

Cantor, M. (24 September 2021). Dude, the patriarchy messed up my life – and yours too. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/sep/24/boys-patriarchy-toxic-masculinity

Webb, R. (2018). How Not to Be a Boy. Canongate Books.