DARVO

I was aware of the following behaviours in betrayal trauma theory: "Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender" individually (Freyd, 1997, p. 29), but I was unaware of the collective as the acronym "DARVO" itself until recently. Coined by research psychologist Jennifer Freyd (1997), exploring what happens in betrayal trauma when we start looking at abuser behaviour, and how they gaslight their victims - even though gaslighting was not really a named behaviour at the time (Oxford Languages, 2018; Stern, 2008).

How DARVO may unfold is that the victim goes to explain to the abuser how they feel, and the response from the abuser is:

• Deny: over-the-top "indignant[,] self-righteous, and overly stated" (p. 29) denial of events as the victim thinks they happened (effectively gaslighting; Stern, 2008)
• Attack: now the abuser turns on the victim with type of "you always...", possibly including ridicule, bullying, "threats of law suits, overt and covert attacks" (p. 29) and focusing on emotional argument rather than facts
• Reverse Victim: "the offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one" (p. 30), allowing the abuser an external locus of control and so avoiding responsibility for their own actions
• Reverse Offender: "the victim or concerned observer is [now] the offender" (p. 30). 

So how can we reclaim ourselves? Some method of recording what happened seems to be a most suggested solution, such as keeping a very secret diary; recording conversations; or having conversations with a reliable third party. Any or all of these tools will help to shine a light for the victim, and provide improved clarity and a more balanced perspective.

Interestingly, twenty five years ago Freyd warned that research in this evolving field needed to "focus not only on psychological response to betrayal, but also on the psychology of the betrayer and the larger system supporting offenders" (p. 29). I am not sure we are there yet, but perhaps, thanks to Freyd's insight into the stages of this type of manipulation (1997), we are now much more aware of how others may attempt to use their power over us.

And that can give us the power to reframe reality.

Sam

References:

Freyd, J. J. (1997). II. Violations of Power, Adaptive Blindness and Betrayal Trauma Theory. Feminism & Psychology, 7(1), 22–32. https://doi.org/10.1177/0959353597071004

Oxford Languages. (2018). Word of the Year 2018: Shortlist. https://languages.oup.com/word-of-the-year/2018-shortlist/

Stern, R. (2008). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. Harmony/Rodale.