Procrastimarking

Ah: procrastimarking. This is Clayton's marking: i.e., the marking we are doing when we are not doing any marking.

Now that previous sentence won't make any sense unless you watched TV in the 1980s in Australia and New Zealand. This is because, in response to our sudden realisation that we were quite vigorously killing each other on our roads because we were driving AND half cut much of the time, an enterprising company came out with a mixer that looked like booze, but wasn't, called Clayton's. I have no idea what it tasted like - one commentator suggests it tastes like beer (Crawford, 1995), but it was marketed as the "the drink you're having when you're not having a drink" (Birks, 2007, p. 5; Brown, 2010, citing McKellar for the George Patterson Agency; Burridge, 1997, p. 75; Mize, 2007; TV Vault Australia, 2022). 

(Dan Murphy's, 2026)

The Clayton's ad and concept went viral. Apparently marketed by Beecham's in Aussie under licence, Clayton's ended up being a Cadbury Schweppes line (Wikipedia, 2026). And while everyone was either having a "Clayton's one"; i.e. something that was supposed to be real deal, but was fake; or it was "the [X] you are having when you are not having an [X]"; we weren't actually having any Clayton's. We loved the idea of having a Clayton's one. But we didn't love the tipple itself, and didn't buy it in droves (Crawford, 1995, p. 303). Clayton's-as-fake had big-time trope stock before a meme was a meme. This was the firm we are having when we are not having a firm (Birks, 2012); the marine reserve we are having when we are not having a marine reserve (Mize, 2007); the test cricket match we are having when we not all playing test cricket. The last is just to poke the borak at the Aussies (and yes, it is borak. Read more here). 

So, procrastimarking is the marking we are having when we are not actually doing any marking. It doesn't actually achieve anything though. Not even that skanky mouth ulcer-feel of dry ginger ale.

And marking is what we finally end up doing in a hiss and a roar because the results meeting is looming, instead of writing blog posts about it ;-)

Sam

References:

Birks, S. (2012). An economics angle on the law (Business School Economics Paper No. 1 of 6). University of Bristol. https://www2.uwe.ac.uk/faculties/BBS/BUS/Research/economics2012/1212.pdf

Brown, M. (2010, September 16). Writer made us laugh at ourselves: John McKellar, 1930-2010. The Sydney Morning Herald. https://www.smh.com.au/national/writer-made-us-laugh-at-ourselves-20100915-15cov.html

Burridge, K. (1997). Chapter 5 Euphemism with attitude: Politically charged language change. In M. S. Schmid, J. R. Austin, D. Stein (Eds.), Historical Linguistics 1997: Selected papers from the 13th International Conference on Historical Linguistics, Düsseldorf, 10–17 August 1997 (pp. 57-76). John Benjamins Publishing Company.

Crawford, J. R. (1995, January). Remarks by James R. Crawford. In E. Lovall (Ed.), Proceedings of the 118th Annual Meeting of the American Society of International Law (Vol. 89, pp. 301-304). Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0272503700084445

Dan Murphy's. (2026). Buy Claytons Kola Tonic Bottle 700ml Online @Lowest Price [image]. https://media.danmurphys.com.au/dmo/product/185397-1.png

Mize, J. (2007). Stakeholder engagement strategies for designating New Zealand marine reserves: A case study of the designation of the Auckland Islands (Motu Maha) Marine Reserve and marine reserves designated under the Fiordland (Te Moana o Atawhenua) Marine Management Act 2005 [Master's thesis, Victoria University of Wellington]. https://openaccess.wgtn.ac.nz/articles/thesis/Stakeholder_Engagement_Strategies_for_Designating_New_Zealand_Marine_Reserves_a_Case_Study_of_the_Designation_of_the_Auckland_Islands_Motu_Maha_Marine_Reserve_and_Marine_Reserves_Designated_Under_the_Fiordland_Te_Moana_o_Atawhenua_Marine_Ma/16934752/1/files/31330564.pdf

TV Vault Australia. (2022, August 14). Clayton's Tonic (1982) - Jack Thompson - TV Ad [video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/3qf4yUMxnjw

Wikipedia. (2026). Claytons. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claytons